Sometimes I feel like Winnie the Pooh. Ya know how he would sit there and touch his forehead with his paw, and just mumble, "think think think...". Yet we know he has nothing but fluff in his head, and so it seems fruitless. Yeah, lately i feel like that. I have nothing but fluff up there, and nothing seems to be getting solved.
In case you didn't know I've been working on my Master's in psychology since the spring of 2009. The push to get this degree, did not come from me, but I ventured and began anyway. Currently, I am ONE class and ONE major test away from obtaining this degree, but I don't really want to do it. If i'm going to be honest with myself, I don't want to do it. In order to graduate I have to take my 'oral exams'. In reality what this is, is standing up in front of three professors, and getting questioned on the 17 classes I've taken since i've begun. I have to get at least an 80% or better to pass each 'class' and graduate. Ok, well in my head, it is more like this: "I'm standing in front of judgmental know-it-alls, that can ask me ANY question about the classes i've taken-and they can EVEN ask me something I wasn't taught in the class-cause it might be buried somewhere in the book I got for that class (that I no longer own), and even though I have a 3.6 GPA, and have done well in ALL my classes, they have the authority to tell me, 'no...you may not pass go'." So I'm fairly terrified. And I know many a people who have a undergraduate degree, and live their lives and are happy and content. People are proud of them, and accepted.
How is it then, that I truly feel I'm some sort of failure if I do not complete this degree. Part of me fears that if I don't get it, I will regret it later....which is a possibility. I feel like pooh, think think...and nothing progresses. So my whole week, has been a ping pong battle of back and forths about this, and I am still no closer to figuring out what I want to do.
Please keep me in prayer, and if you have any advice for me-share it! I could use it!!
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