The other day I was at Hastings High School speaking to about 30 pregnant ladies about healthy relationships, and at one point in the presentation I asked the young ladies to get out a piece of paper and write down their current life's goals and priorities. I then went on to ask how many of these ladies were in a current relationship, and of all the women spoken to about 5 of them were not. I explained how it's typical, at the start of a newfound relationship to set aside things you've wanted for your life in order to devote all your time, love and attention to the new union. From there I begin to teach them what an unhealthy relationship looks like, and how to spot red flags in relationships that will give you clues as to how the person is, and will be. At the end of the presentation one young lady came up to me and told me that all the unhealthy qualities I spoke of, were found in her boyfriend. She then told me, "when you asked how many of us were in a relationship I didn't raise my hand, because I no longer am."
In that moment I was truly in awe of what this young lady was committing to in that moment, and how hard and rare that is. It feels as if the majority of my generation "Seeks ye first relationships", when God's divine command was not that, but "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God". One too many status updates on facebook about being alone, or finding the future husband, or the sob songs they listen to that reassures them they won't be alone forever. Which don't get me wrong, that desire is completely normal and healthy, but the extent to which we seek after it is certainly not.
When I go speak, I hardly meet anyone who's single. Whether it's middle/high school or college…the majority are in a relationship (and I'm thinking of the Christian settings I've been in). Apparently being 'single' is taboo and not a 'status' people want to announce, and since less than 4% of high school relationships lead to marriage I wonder what game it is we're teaching our children to play. I feel people are not appreciating the season of singleness imparted on us by God. I do believe when we are single, we are called to be so. There truly is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, but there is something wrong when it becomes our highest goal in life. Hollywood certainly portrays that the happiest, most beautiful, and satisfied people are those who are in relationships. Those that are single, are always actively seeking them until it happens…and until then are somehow incomplete.
And then there is the topic of marriage. Infatuation, as research shows, can last up to two years, and it is within this time period that most people get married. Why? Well because reality hasn't set in yet (and the majority of people don't start out as friends: but meet, date, and marry without that foundation of friendship), and everything is still candy and roses. I wonder how many Christian's marry before God's time. They meet someone, fall in love, and get married within short periods of time, and I believe at least on some level stunt the work of God. Why you ask? Well because when marriage occurs, people become limited in what they can do for God. It's just reality of marriage, and committed relationships. Suddenly you not only have to work hard to keep the relationship going, but you also have many new responsibilities that were not there before. There are newer financial strains, and having to be a good husband or wife in taking care of the other. There is a home to take care of, possibly kids…and now suddenly someone who was open and able to take on certain works of God are limited to whatever it is that will fit into their Tuesday morning time slot, because that truly is one of the only times they have free in their schedule.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with relationships or marriage. Yet, there is something very wrong with impatience. Getting to know our partner, making sure we know what ministry God has called us to (as EVERY Christian is called to ministry in some way/shape/ or form) so that when we meet 'The One' they have the opportunity to decide whether or not they can fit God's calling on our life, and whether I can fit theirs. For we should not be altering God's plan to fit our partner, but it should be the other way around. I believe that's vital. Instead, the majority want love, relationship, sex, marriage AND (this is the clincher) we want it now. So we will disregard good sense, Biblical principles, and God's work for our lives so we can have that one thing that could not possibly wait anymore. We've waited 20,21,22,23,24 whole years!! God forbid we take the time to do the work to get it right, to glorify God.
Anyway, I know I come off pretty strong, but I see it so much and so often, that I just begin to wonder who of those could be used, and used in marriage…but they just don't have the patience to wait for God's timing. Individuals who meet, fall in love, get married within a year time frame, I just can't understand what the rush is. Are there happy healthy marriages that resulted from fast pace relationships such as those?..yeah, but is it the norm? Nope, and are people hurting because of it. Yes.
When the percentage of divorces in the church isn't different from the rest of the world…obviously something is wrong, and I think much of that can be prevented by doing leg work prior to marriage. I just don't understand why people don't take marriage seriously as the sacred covenant that it is, to do everything in their power to ensure a healthy long lasting marriage. I am a believer that it is possible. You can ensure a healthy marriage…you can! It just takes time. Time. Patience and Time.
